A Big Kid Kind of Day!

Six years ago, Annalise started kindergarten. At the time, I was pregnant with Juliette. It seems so hard to believe, but today that kindergartner started sixth grade. And that unknown baby, merely a bump in my belly, is now a kindergartner.

This morning I packed three lunches (well, actually only two lunches and one snack), filled three water bottles, double checked three backpacks, braided two heads of hair (no braids for Zachary!), spread sunscreen on three noses, and sprayed three heads with lice spray. I did not load up a stroller with school supplies (all the big stuff -- packets of printer paper, Clorox wipes, Kleenex) because I don't own a stroller anymore. But our big wagon was full and we dragged that thing down the hill. We had to leave extra early so that we could have time to drop kids off in three different classrooms. Excited, and not even too tired or hot (We did go to Magic Mountain yesterday and it is August 12th!!! The humanity!), they smiled for pictures in front of their classrooms, hugged friends and said goodbye.

I knew this day would come. In some ways I looked forward to it. I even remember thinking when Annalise started how in six years I would get time to myself every day! Six years!!! That seemed like a whole lifetime! I wasn't sure I'd make it to six years! That was double Annalise's age! And yet, here it is. I did make it. I will (OK, in theory!) have time to myself every day. And I'm not really sure I want it. Yes, it will be great to be able to exercise every day. Go to coffee with a friend. Go to Target by myself. Work on the house a little bit. (That's as far as my brain can stretch right now. What am I going to do?) My house is quiet right now. Too quiet. I miss my little munchkin and her constant chatter.

My kids are getting bigger. The crib and high chair are long gone. The stroller, packed away in Grandma's attic. The rocking horse has a new home with my nephew in San Francisco. Tomorrow I will pack up the preschool shirts and tote bags  and drop them off for an excited three year old who will start at St. George's on Tuesday. The transition has been slow and subtle, but there's no mistaking it now: this is a big kid house. We have braces and swim caps and soccer balls and ballet shoes and protractors. We listen to Macklemore and Maroon 5 and not to Baby Mozart or Beethoven's Wig. We watch Goonies and Back to the Future. Four fifths of us have read Harry Potter. And I am one of those veteran moms at the kindergarten yard who, six years ago, really looked like she had her shit together. Those moms who were comfortable sitting at the PTA meeting. Who knew the other moms at the gate. Who knew where to go. I remember thinking, "In six years, I'll be one of them. One of the old moms!" I'm one of them now. Only I don't feel old and I definitely don't feel like I have my shit together. I'm the same mommy who came home and cried, just like I did six years ago. Just like I did three years ago. The only difference is this time I walked up the hill alone. No stroller. No tiny hand in mine.

Tomorrow I will take a yoga class. Yoga!!! And be thrilled that I have the opportunity to do so. Tomorrow we will start up our morning dance parties again and I will be SO happy that we aren't dancing to The Wheels on the Bus! Tomorrow I will have an uninterrupted conversation with a friend! But this morning, I will take the time to miss my little ones. All three of them. And I will mourn the fact that my babies are growing up. And tomorrow I'll celebrate!

Gotta go... Time to go pick up that big girl! Can't wait to hold her hand while we walk up the hill and she tells me all about her big day!

First Day of First Grade

Because of the fires, the first day of school was postponed two days this year. Annalise had fun playing on the beach and in the pool, but cried both times she heard that school would not start yet. So Tuesday afternoon, when we heard the news that school would start the next day, she was elated! (My mom and I groaned.) We got home late, and had time only to throw on pajamas and brush teeth. Of course Annalise had already picked out her first day outfit, so that was easy to set out.

The next day, though she must have been tired, she bounded out of bed and was ready early to head out the door. She hardly looked back as she kissed me goodbye and sat on the floor with her new classmates. I couldn't help but linger, not believing that she was going to be gone all day. In the end she had a great day, even though only one kid from her class last year was in her new class. She and Malia stuck together and were more than fine. But for me it was one of the longest days I've had since becoming a parent. Of course it was all compounded by the fact that we stayed inside all day. Zachary's asthma was still a problem and the air quality was still awful. He watched movies and I watched the clock. Even Juliette wasn't much of a distraction, taking a three plus hour nap. As my mom said, I felt like my right leg was missing. Finally twenty minutes before she was to get out of class, I couldn't take it anymore. We drove the one minute drive to school and waited outside her classroom. I wasn't the only one either. There were already moms there waiting impatiently for their right legs to come through that door.

I was so proud of my tired big girl. She had had her first full day of school and had weathered it just fine. (At dinner time, though, she asked if we were going to have a nap!) I know that I will adjust to having her gone. Officially, I know I'm supposed to like having all that time. I'm sure someday I will. I'm sure some days I'll be thrilled to let someone else deal with her. But in the meantime, I'm going to miss her when she's gone and that's just going to have to be okay.

Anticipation

School starts on Monday. My big girl will start first grade. Annalise has been anxiously preparing. Tuesday we dropped Zachary off at MyGym camp for a morning so the girls could do some back to school shopping. We bought two new pairs of shoes. And then she tried on about 30 outfits at GapKids until she narrowed it down to her favorite two. We also picked up her school supplies from school. She carefully examined each item and labelled them with stickers reading "This belongs to Annalise E." (This, of course, to separate her from all the other Annalises in her class. You know there are so many.) This morning we dropped Zachary off again and we went out to breakfast, just the girls. We had fun "writing" our own version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie" -- "If You Take a Baby to a Restaurant." We rolled with laughter with each different senario. Then we went home and together decorated her pencil box.

I remember so much the anticipation of school starting. Like Annalise has been doing all day, I remember running down to the mailbox twenty times on the day the letters would arrive, telling us who our teacher would be. I, too, called my friends to see if they were in the same class. Every time the phone rings she jumps up to see if it is a room 9 friend. I admit, there are friends who I hope are in her class. I am pleased with her teacher and look forward to a challenging year where she will learn and grow in a loving environment. I think her teacher's soft voice and demeanor will balance nicely with all the noise (and okay, often loud voices) she hears at home. I look forward to p.e. classes, science and art, music and lots of reading and writing.

Monday she will put on her pink (Did you really think it would be any other color for the first day?) butterfly dress and polka dot leggings. She'll tighten the velcro on those pink glittery Geox shoes. (She's graduated from Lelly Kellies apparently.) We'll brush her newly cut hair and put in a sparkly headband. We'll pack up her new pink and green lunchbox with reusable, non-toxic containers filled with healthy, tasty treats to get her through the day. And she'll throw on her old blue butterfly backpack and we'll head down the hill. She'll have her own spot in room 9 next to a boy who picks his nose and whose shoes are untied, but whose hair is pefectly coifed for the first day. She'll play for the first time on the upper playground with her friends at recess. She'll be a little scared and a little excited, but she'll make it through her first day of first grade. She'll come home a little dirty and a lot tired. And we will all look forward to day two.

"The Most Wonderful Time of the Year"

Do you remember that song from the Staples ad? It's really a Christmas song, but in the ad, they are playing that song as the dad is gleefully throwing pencils and other school supplies into the cart, gliding through the store, as the kids sulk behind him. I never really got that ad. As a kid, I certainly didn't look forward to the first day of school. As a teacher, I REALLY didn't look forward to the first day of school. And as a parent, I don't think I really ever have either. (Maybe I've just forgotten???) In the beginning of August, I was so sad that school was less than a month away. We have had such a great summer. The kids were playing great together! They were thriving on the lack of schedule! We were seeing friends! We were going swimming! We were being creative! We were using our imaginations! We were playing outside and in! We were going on field trips! I could see why people would homeschool! (Seriously, this thought actually entered my mind. Our summer was that good. I must have been smoking some major summer crack.)

And then mid-August came around. I don't know what happened. Nothing has changed. We are still seeing friends, going swimming, using our imaginations, etc. etc. But there is a mini revolt going on in our house right now. Attitudes are changing. Noise levels are changing. Tempers are changing. "It's not fairs!" and "She did it on purposes!" have increased tenfold. I don't know the scientific term for what's going on, but I think it can only be described as we are getting sick of each other. There is a reason for school. There is a reason summer is only so long. (Incidentally, it is the same reason why babies are so cute and have that whole baby smell thing going on.) Otherwise, someone would have to die. I'm not saying who. I'm just saying that families would kill each other when they have too much togetherness. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids and they genuinely love one another. But they're bored of each other. They're bored of me. It's time to go back to school. I know I will miss them while they are there. I know I will have a HUGE adjustment to Annalise being gone ALL DAY!! But I know it's best for them and it's best for me. School starts in a week and a half. I'm ready. Let's go buy some school supplies.