Grrrr

I try to be a proactive parent. I like to anticipate the times when behavior won't be at its best and make a plan. I try to give lots of positive reinforcement when I can, use a calm voice, dispense lots of affection. Notice I said "try". There are days (lots of them) when the calm voice and anything positive goes right out the window. Lots of days I feel like I'm just trying to keep my head above water. Today was one of those days. (And it's only 4:00!) It was one of those days where I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels -- unload the dishwasher so that I can load it again; strip the sheets so I can make the bed again; clean up the toys so we can scatter them across the room again. And let's not even mention the yelling, hitting each other on the head, tormenting babies, etc. As Alexander says, "Some days are like that. Even in Australia."

We started off the day with our first attempt at volunteering. My mom has been involved with a group for thirty years or so that makes lunches for those in need. My younger brother used to go with her every week, starting when he was three years old. My older brother and I would go to help when we were on vacation from school. It was a simple, easy activity, but one that is very fulfilling as well. I've been wanting to do some volunteering with Annalise, in particular, for a while, but with all three kids, it's tricky. I needed to find something that we can all do together. So today, we gave it a shot. My mom arranged for us to do the sweets for the bagged lunches to be made tomorrow. (The group meets earlier than they used to and the idea of all of us in the kitchen was less than desirable.) All we had to do was bag cookies and treats in plastic sandwich bags. Annalise was a machine. She loved it and did a great job. Zachary bitched and complained the whole time. "I'm tired. I want some water." (We were there all of 45 minutes.) Meanwhile he kept explaining to his sister why she couldn't have a cookie. "These are for people who don't have any food. You have food. These aren't for you." And then jumped at the chance to have half a cookie himself. (At least he got the concept.) Juliette sat in her Baby Bjorn, kicking her little legs and making pterodactyl noises. So it wasn't a huge success, but we got the job done and both kids said they wanted to do it again next week.

The rest of the morning consisted of hitting each other on the head, screaming at each other, some slammed doors, waking up a napping baby, some threats, a screaming mommy and two kids being sent to their rooms. Some days that is the only way to get things back on track. Tomorrow I'll try again with the calm voice and positive reinforcement.

Letter Writing

I was talking to an old friend today. (She's not old -- we've just been friends since the second grade!) This morning she was going through a box of old letters. They were mostly letters from high school and college friends. She was enjoying reading them and not enjoying reading them. They brought up all sorts of teenage crap (for lack of a better word), but also a lot of love. She had received all sorts of "love letters" from friends. It got us talking about our letters and how they are a record of a life. In this digital age of e-mails, we have no permanent record of our emotions and friendships. (Well, maybe I do since I never delete my e-mails! Are they still really there? Do I really want to weed through it all?) What will remain for our children to rifle through after we have come and gone?

A few months ago, my grandmother's sister past away. Her daughter had recently gone through her old pictures and letters. After Aunt Milly's funeral, my cousins (her grandchildren), my mother and I gathered in our hotel room to absorb it all. There were so many gems we found! Amongst them were a thank you note from my mother, age 8, with some wacky story about my grandpa that she hadn't remembered. Also we found a letter from Milly's daughter, Joan, written at about age 30. The letter could have been written by me. It was about this turning point in her life, becoming a mother, finding a new role in life and still feeling somewhat like a kid herself. We lost Joan seven years ago to breast cancer. What a beautiful reminder it was of the spirited woman we loved. We also found a letter written by my grandmother telling her sister she was pregnant with my mom. It was a very cute letter written by a young woman so different from the woman I knew. The letter also professed my grandpa's assurance that the baby was a boy! (Oops! That took him three more tries!) It is a great piece of history that we can hold in our hands.

In this land of facebook, phonecalls, instant messaging and e-mails, I wonder what my kids and grandkids will look at after my funeral? (Certainly not their own baby books. Guilt trip. Guilt trip. Someday they'll get done. OK, started.) Perhaps this blog will somehow remain. It will be my love letter to them, a picture of me at this age; a picture of them as children. In the meantime, my friend and I have vowed to write each other a letter, with pen and (really nice) paper. And I will store it in a box for my children to find many, many years from now.

Mom's Granola

I made my favorite granola today. Yum!! It is my go-to snack when I'm in a hurry and my favorite breakfast, too. Because it has fat, carbs and protein, it keeps you filled up for a while. I love granola, but it is so expensive and often has questionable ingredients. By making my own I save a ton of money and I know exactly what is in it. Plus, it is really easy. This recipe is adapted from my mom's recipe from the 70's. Her recipe called for twice as much oil and honey. I've cut both of those. Also, I've substituted flax seed meal for the wheat germ. (You should probably use both, but I don't always have time to go to Whole Foods or Granny's Pantry and I can get flax seed meal at Trader Joe's.) And I need the Omega 3's from the flax seed. My brain needs all the help it can get! Here's the recipe:

Mom's Granola

1/4 cup oil
1/4 cup honey
1/2 cup water

5 cups (or one whole container) oats

3/4 cup brown sugar
1 cup flax seed meal
1- 1 1/2 cups chopped nuts or seeds (I use walnuts, almonds and pecans)
1/2 cup coconut

dried fruit (optional -- any kind. I like chopped dried apricots, apples and cranberries.)

Preheat oven to 350.
Wisk together the liquid ingredients.
Put oats in a big bowl and then add the liquid. Stir to conbine well.
Then add the next four ingredients and stir to combine.
Bake on a large, lipped cookie sheet or two 9 by 13" pans for 30 - 40 minutes. Stir every 10 minutes or so and watch it closely at the end because it can burn.
Leave it on the counter to cool and get crispy.
Add dried fruit, if desired.
Store in an airtight container.
It makes enough to almost fill my 3 quart container. That's a lot of granola!

Great over yogurt with fresh fruit or just with milk. Also, here is a recipe for our new favorite dessert:

Faux Peach Cobbler

vanilla ice cream
fresh, ripe peaches
granola

Heat up a grill pan over medium heat.
Cut the peaches into quarters.
Grill the peaches, cut side down until slightly soft, turning to do the other side. (Look for the grill marks.)
Serve ice cream in a bowl. Top with peaches and granola. So tasty!!

Enjoy!

Catfight

Yesterday, I was talking to some friends, one of whom is trying to quit smoking. The other friend was advising her to just take it one day at a time. Each day, wake up and say, "Today, I'm not going to smoke. Tomorrow I can smoke if I want to, but today, I won't." I thought this was great advice, and reminded me of how I got through breastfeeding with Annalise those first few months.

I had a terrible time breastfeeding in the beginning. I was horribly engorged, bleeding, and in SO much pain. It was excruciating for me. Add that onto a terrible case of baby blues, loneliness, helplessness and really not knowing what the hell I was doing, and I was miserable. But I was, as always, stubborn. I was determined to breastfeed, and so I was going to breastfeed! And I handled it like I was quitting smoking or drinking. I took it one day at a time, two days at a time, a week at a time then a month at a time. By three months, I wasn't miserable and crying every time that ferocious tiger-like baby latched on. And then at four months, Annalise got teeth. And then I was miserable again. But that didn't last long. And that kid nursed for 22 months! Zachary for 25! Knowing how hard it was for me in the beginning, I'm quite proud of this!

My friend asked me if I like breastfeeding. And the answer is an unequivical yes. Especially now, with all the chaos and rush here, do this, rush there, yell at that kid, help this one with this, help that one with that, it is so nice to have that quiet time. It is such a nice excuse to just sit and be. There is no rushing an infant through a meal. There's no bribery or threats or "sit down in your seat"s. It's just us. Juliette and Mommy, enjoying a meal together. Dr. Sears says in one of his books how much Martha loved to nurse in the middle of the night. When I just had Annalise I thought this was complete BS. But now that I have the three of these monkeys, I totally get that. It's so nice to have that quiet moment of bonding.

I also think breastfeeding is empowering. I love my body so much more now than I ever did before (when I had great abs, no stretch marks and no need to wear a bra). Seriously, why didn't I appreciate that??? Now my hips are wider, my belly still sort of looks like I may be a little bit pregnant, I have lots of lovely stretch marks and, well, boobs. But my body is AMAZING! I have carried three babies for a total of 27 months, pushed them out and sustained them, quite literally, using only my body. That really has to be the biggest accomplishment of my life... keeping a baby alive! That's pretty incredible!

So, yes, I love breastfeeding. But somedays, it's a pain. It would be easier if Juliette took a bottle. I could go out with friends or tutor in peace and quiet or go for a swim. And there are times when mealtime with her is anything but relaxing. I'm not to the point yet of making dinner while nursing. (My mom did. She rocks!) But we often are wandering through the house, tying shoes, reading, helping with homework, buiding with Legos, you name it, while nursing. And then there are the times when it is quiet and peaceful, but apparently Juliette needs a little more action. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of a catfight... There's kicking and scratching and hairpulling; a little screaming thrown in for good measure. There's no biting yet, but give her time. That'll come soon. But I love nursing that feisty girl. I'll take the abuse along with those beautiful smiles, those quiet moments for as long as they last.

Unsupervised

Zachary and Annalise have started taking swim lessons at our local YMCA. We have a three month membership there (purchased at the silent auction at Annalise's school) and are sort of trying it all out. I've had kind of mixed thoughts on the whole thing, but after today, I'm really not so sure.

Zachary's swim lesson goes from 9:35 until 10:05. To get him there, we have to park down the block, load up Juliette in the baby bjorn, go through the turnnstyles, go in through the girls' locker room (I won't bother to explain the very complicated locker room rules), give him a shower, walk him out to the pool, walk out through the girls' locker room, through the turnstyles and around the corner to the observation room. Today their lessons were in the big pool because the training pool was too chilly. At five to 10, the other two parents (there were only three kids today) got up to go get their kids. Since I have to take two other kids with me and there isn't a lot of space to stay and wait, I decided to wait until 10 to make the trek back to the pool. But I saw his teacher giving the kids a high five indicating the end of the lesson, so I hightailed it back down the hall, through the turnstyles, back through the locker room to the pool. And there was Zachary, standing by himself with another woman leaning over him asking him his mommy's name. I came up as he was saying, "Christa." I looked at the clock and it was 10:01. His instructor was onto her next lesson (a private lesson with an adult). I often let things slide, but here is my kid crying because he's ALONE on a POOL DECK and his lesson isn't even over for another four minutes!

So I decided to say something. This is not easy for me! It is not my personality type to stick up for myself and his insructor is easily thirty years older than I am. But it's my kid, and I'm much tougher with them! So I waited for her to come back to the end of the pool and said, "I thought his lesson was over at 10:05?" She looked at the clock and gave me some bs about starting earlier and being in the different pool. I said, "Fine, but couldn't he have waited on the steps of the pool?" After some back and forth, she finally apologized and said it was her fault. It was. I had every right to be upset in this situation. But what if it had been "my fault" and I was late to pick up Zachary? (Every now and then people are late; especially when it takes half a day to get from the observation room out to the pool.) Does her responsibility for him end at 10:05? Is it then OK for her to leave a four year old unattended on a very busy pool deck with four locker rooms and hence four different ways to leave the pool area? A. You just don't leave a child unattended by a pool EVER. B. Some strange man could grab him (no one would even notice a crying child in all the chaos) and take him through the boys' locker room. By the time I got out to the pooldeck and noticed him gone, it would be too late. This is not an OK policy. My mom said I need to write a letter. I think she's right. It would be way too easy to lose a kid that way, and totally senseless. So far, I'm thinking we won't renew that membership.

Zachary's Construction Site

I am not a very organized person, as I said before. But I can throw a good party and Zachary's fourth birthday party turned out to be a great success! I have three main rules for parties: 1. It has to be age appropriate. 2. Get help when you need it! 3. There has to be a theme. If there's a theme, it all falls into place. Our themes in the past have been:
jumping (monkeys and frogs for Annalise's second)
water (Zachary's second)
cooking (Annalise's third)
racing (bike races and also "Lightning McQueen" for Zachary's third)
"Fancy Nancy" (Annalise's fifth)
cheerleading (Annalise's sixth)
All of the activities, party favors, food (when possible) and decorations fit the theme. This is the only way I can get a handle on the organization. The theme for Zachary's fourth was construction. Here's what we did:
Invitations:
I always have a picture of the birthday kid on the invitation. It makes it personal and is a good record for me. I have them pose in a way that sets the stage for the party. This year Zachary posed with his tool box, hard hat and a construction vehicle. It read "Dirt, paint, trucks and more/ Zachary is turning four." At the bottom of the invites, we said, "Come prepared to get dirty."
Decorations:
We bought caution tape at OSH and strung it all around the house, across the front door and garage and along the path to the backyard. We also used the orange cones from last years' racing party. All the table covers and utensils were yellow and black. I made a few signs that looked like construction signs, reading "Zachary's Construction Site", "Hard Hat Area" and "Party Zone." And that's it! It was very simple.
Activites:
1. The main activity was "building houses." Actually Jason had built the houses in advance using huge cardboard boxes. The kids used washable terpera paint to paint the houses and glued on construction paper shingles.
2. We made mud out of our planters and stuck Zachary's various construction toys in them for the kids to play.
3. We covered different sized boxes with construction paper and the kids took turns knocking them down with a wrecking ball (tennis ball on a string).
4. I bought from Oriental Trading some construction sticker pages. (I bought these kind of as an afterthought, but most kids ended up doing them.)
5. We set out the train table with Legos on it.
6. We spread our infamous huge pink flowered beach blanket (which was my parents' beach blanket and before that their king-sized bedspread) just inside the doors on the living room floor. We spread out construction books and puzzles. Originally I thought I'd put it outside under an umbrella, but it was so hot we put it in. It was a good decision because it was SO HOT!
Food:
The party was at 10 in the morning because it's so hot here in July. So we had bagels, watermelon and Jell-O cut into "bricks" (the effect was poorly executed by me and totally lost on the kids, but they liked the Jell-O!). We had two cakes -- a yellow construction truck cake (my first attmpt at something like that and it was not too bad!) and a "dirt" cake (yellow cupcakes frosted as one big cake with chocolate frosting, crushed up Oreos and gummy worms). I promise I'll have Jason post pictures!
Help:
Ben, one of my junior high school tutoring kids came over to help. He and a friend acted as "catchers" for the bike races last year (to catch the kids before they raced down the hill!) and were a huge success. This year he came to help us set up and helped the kids paint and re-stack blocks for the wrecking ball. Having kids help is HUGE! He's so helpful and the kids LOVE it! (We've hired girls to help paint nails, etc. for the Fancy Nancy party and had the Varsity cheerleaders come for that party.)
Favors:
The main party favor was a very small Lego kit with a constuction worker and cement mixer. But when they walked into the party, each kid got a Home Depot waste apron with their name on it and a plastic hard hat also with their name on it. To fill their pockets were a carpenter's pencil, a mini flashlight, a blow-up hammer and stickers.

The party was fun, surprisingly mellow and pretty simple. All the activites were basically free, aside from the cost of paint and paintbrushes and the sticker pages. We're already scheming for next year. (And Annalise wants a rock star party for her seventh! Yikes!)

Six Months

A few days ago Miss Juliette Camille turned six months old. I cannot believe how fast this time has flown past me. When Annalise was a baby, I had a really hard time. It was a long adjustment to a new lifestyle. I felt lonely since I had few friends with babies. I joked that the UPS guy was my best friend. He was the only one in our neighborhood around during the day and he would wave at me as I walked and walked and walked. Annalise was also a difficult baby; I was unsure and insecure; and it was just a real difficult time for me. I couldn't wait for that baby phase to be over. When Zachary was a baby, I was much for confident in my abilities. I was no longer lonely. And I realized how fast that time would go by. But I was adjusting, once again, to a new lifestyle -- that of being a mother of two! He was also a difficult baby and I still don't think I would have said I loved the baby phase.

Jason and I put off for quite a while having a third child. We knew we wanted a third, but the timing just never seemed quite right. It is tough to balance all the different relationships we have going on and adding a third child to the mix can seem overwhelming. Still, I had two brothers whom I adore. I can't imagine my life without my younger brother. And, as my friend, Cindy, pointed out, so many of my best friends are the third child. I think that my main reason for wanting a third child was to give the gift of another sibling to Annalise and Zachary. I know how much a sibling can enrich and color a life. So we went for it, and Juliette is the result of that decision. Now that she is here, though, as much as I feel like she is a gift to her siblings, her father, her grandparents, everyone who meets her (she really is a beam of sunshine), she's all for me. She lights up my world in ways I never realized she could. I was so nervous when Zachary was born that I wouldn't love him as much as I loved Annalise. (This seems ridiculous now, but it's how I felt.) I didn't have these same fears with Juliette, but still, you never know how you are going to feel about someone. But my baby, my sweet third child is a dream come true for me. I cannot imagine my world without her. She makes me smile and laugh and cry. In the middle of the night I just want to hold her a little longer. What if we had changed our minds? What if we decided that two was just enough? It wasn't. The decisions to have each of our three children have been the best decisions that Jason and I have ever made. She is a gift to our family, a gift to me.

This time around, I know how fast six months flies by. I have loved every minute of it!

Cuddle Time

Yesterday I wrote that we don't have a family bed. Apparently that's not entirely true! Sometime in the middle of the night Annalise crawled into our bed, leaving me sandwiched between her and Jason. (And I mean sandwiched -- the girl is a heat-seeking missile. My side of the bed was mostly empty as we all snuggled up on Jason's side.) I didn't sleep very well because of the sandwich (and Jason's pillow is way too high) and Juliette has been having sleep issues as well. But that is a whole other post. I was about to be annoyed and grouchy until I thought that I probably don't have too many years left of snuggling with her in bed. And then I remembered that in high school my mom used to climb into bed with me every morning. "Move over," she'd say, just like I say to Zachary whenever I cuddle with him. My mom and I would lay there a few more minutes, cuddle and talk. It's one of my favorite memories of my mom at that time of my life. What a great way to connect with a grouchy teenager -- corner them when they are happy to not go anywhere. A few more minutes in bed? Sure! I'll have to remember this when Annalise is more interested in boys, friends and her cell phone than she is in me. Hopefully cuddle time has a lot more years left in it. In the meantime, I'll try my best to savor all those special moments, even if they come at the expense of some much needed sleep.

About Me

So I realized as I was shredding carnitas for dinner (Oh! I should put recipes on here, too!). Okay, that's not what I realized -- that's just how my brain works. Anyway, I realized that in my "About Me," I didn't really put anything about me. It was all about my kids. (Telling, isn't it?) But since this blog is really about them, that was my intention. So who am I? I am a wife, a mother (really a mommy or a mama -- my kids aren't allowed to call me "mom" yet -- that'll make them seem old!), a daughter, a sister, a friend. I'm other things, too, but these are my most important, and favorite roles. Seven years ago teacher would have been near the top of that list. That is still a part of my life, but in a much different way. I am full of contradictions, too. I'm organized about some things (I can throw a kids' birthday party with the best of them), but terrible about others (don't mention baby albums in my presence). I like to think I'm thoughtful, yet I'm often terrible at remembering people's birthdays and thank you notes often get put on the back burner. I mostly subscribe to the attachment parenting philosophy (my babies have never really cried anything out) but we don't have a family bed and I don't nurse my kids much beyond two. We eat mostly organic, healthy food, but we have eaten our share of "Old McDonald's" as Zachary puts it. Juliette wears cloth diapers, but wears disposables, too. I try my best to be open-minded and nonjudgmental, but that is a struggle that is ongoing. I love to dance and sing, but hardly ever in public, and only then when it's dark and I've had a few drinks. I was a swimmer in my former life, too, and always feel at home in the water. The beach is my home. I'm realizing this summer that I love not being scheduled and so do my kids. And, (I have to put this in here for Cindy, Jenn, Kristen and Patty) I love tomatoes and I think watermelon or pineapple make for an awesome dessert. But I love ice cream, too.

Sex Ed

So here is the issue that we are currently dealing with in the Evans household. Annalise's BFF was recently told by a friend at school how a baby is made. Of course BFF brought it up to her parents, who then got a book and filled her in on the details. (They had to -- she already had been told the nitty gritty.) Fortunately, her parents also told her that this was something to discuss only with her parents. But she told Annalise that she knew how a baby was made and that she couldn't tell her how because this was something to discuss only with her parents. So now Annalise is asking. She has asked before, and we have kind of passed on the question by giving some details but telling her it's quite complicated and we didn't think she was really quite old enough yet to understand. This satisfied her for a while, but now that BFF knows (and she's only 3 months older), that doesn't fly anymore. We have a very open household. My kids know all about their bodies. She knows about periods and eggs and all that -- just not the actual act. I'm just afraid she's a little young. She just finished kindergarten for goodness sake! But I think the conversation will have to occur soon. BFF's mom gave me a great book that's really on her level. Deep down, I know it will be fine, but my inner prude is totally coming out!

Getting Started

This is my very first entry on my new blog. I admit, I'm pretty freaked out. Do I really want to put myself out there for the whole world to see? I'm still not sure about the whole Facebook thing. Are people going to judge me based on what they read about me? Are they going to laugh at my spelling mistakes? And then there's the whole technology thing. I don't even know how to put a picture onto the computer, much less put it onto a blog. I'm lucky I even know how to use the camera. So this may be a waste of time. I guess we'll find out...