Catfight

Yesterday, I was talking to some friends, one of whom is trying to quit smoking. The other friend was advising her to just take it one day at a time. Each day, wake up and say, "Today, I'm not going to smoke. Tomorrow I can smoke if I want to, but today, I won't." I thought this was great advice, and reminded me of how I got through breastfeeding with Annalise those first few months.

I had a terrible time breastfeeding in the beginning. I was horribly engorged, bleeding, and in SO much pain. It was excruciating for me. Add that onto a terrible case of baby blues, loneliness, helplessness and really not knowing what the hell I was doing, and I was miserable. But I was, as always, stubborn. I was determined to breastfeed, and so I was going to breastfeed! And I handled it like I was quitting smoking or drinking. I took it one day at a time, two days at a time, a week at a time then a month at a time. By three months, I wasn't miserable and crying every time that ferocious tiger-like baby latched on. And then at four months, Annalise got teeth. And then I was miserable again. But that didn't last long. And that kid nursed for 22 months! Zachary for 25! Knowing how hard it was for me in the beginning, I'm quite proud of this!

My friend asked me if I like breastfeeding. And the answer is an unequivical yes. Especially now, with all the chaos and rush here, do this, rush there, yell at that kid, help this one with this, help that one with that, it is so nice to have that quiet time. It is such a nice excuse to just sit and be. There is no rushing an infant through a meal. There's no bribery or threats or "sit down in your seat"s. It's just us. Juliette and Mommy, enjoying a meal together. Dr. Sears says in one of his books how much Martha loved to nurse in the middle of the night. When I just had Annalise I thought this was complete BS. But now that I have the three of these monkeys, I totally get that. It's so nice to have that quiet moment of bonding.

I also think breastfeeding is empowering. I love my body so much more now than I ever did before (when I had great abs, no stretch marks and no need to wear a bra). Seriously, why didn't I appreciate that??? Now my hips are wider, my belly still sort of looks like I may be a little bit pregnant, I have lots of lovely stretch marks and, well, boobs. But my body is AMAZING! I have carried three babies for a total of 27 months, pushed them out and sustained them, quite literally, using only my body. That really has to be the biggest accomplishment of my life... keeping a baby alive! That's pretty incredible!

So, yes, I love breastfeeding. But somedays, it's a pain. It would be easier if Juliette took a bottle. I could go out with friends or tutor in peace and quiet or go for a swim. And there are times when mealtime with her is anything but relaxing. I'm not to the point yet of making dinner while nursing. (My mom did. She rocks!) But we often are wandering through the house, tying shoes, reading, helping with homework, buiding with Legos, you name it, while nursing. And then there are the times when it is quiet and peaceful, but apparently Juliette needs a little more action. Sometimes I feel like I'm in the middle of a catfight... There's kicking and scratching and hairpulling; a little screaming thrown in for good measure. There's no biting yet, but give her time. That'll come soon. But I love nursing that feisty girl. I'll take the abuse along with those beautiful smiles, those quiet moments for as long as they last.