Carpet Stalkers

I think I have a stalker. Someone is peering in my windows when I am unaware of it. I must get three calls a day from someone (different someones, too!) who wants to clean my carpets. How do they know my carpets are stained and gross? How do they know that I have a seven month old who crawls and rolls all over that carpet? Do they watch my kids paint and play in the mud and then come inside to use the bathroom, dragging in God only knows what on their feet? Have they noticed that Zachary doesn't always make it to said bathroom? Have they watched Annalise eating cornbread/tacos/spaghetti? (Yes, there is even carpet under the dining room table.) Do they watch Juliette spit up all day long? Has someone filled them in? Maybe my mother and mother-in-law have joined forces with the carpet cleaning people to conspire to get me to clean. Maybe they think that if I get at least three calls a day, it will somehow subliminally give me the message that I am a slob. For the carpet stalkers out there, I am aware that my carpets are filthy. I am aware that Juliette's clothes would be cleaner if my carpets were cleaner, too. I promise when she stops spitting up I will spring for a carpet cleaning. I promise. And when I win the big bucks... hard wood floors, baby!